you mean he didn't try toprint out the entire internet?

Well dear readers, it seems that those tricksters at cool.com.au have come clean about their trickery and admitted that no one really tried to print out the entire internet. Shocking really. But not to worry, that certainly won't stop me from using the expression as often as I possibly can.

Just that time of the morning...

I've finally learned the secret to keeping this blog alive. I just need to keep staying up past 4am. Something about this time of the morning that generates these rambling posts about absolutely nothing, or in this case possibly the most imbecilic thing on the entire internet.
So there's this kid right? (Let's just call him "Cody Darnell") "Cody" is nine years old, and like most nine year-olds, Cody is not the sharpest pencil in the box, but this is no fault of Cody's, it's just that, hey, he's nine. So Cody makes a bet with his cousin Mikey over thanksgiving dinner. Not just any bet, but the stupidest bet in the entire world.
Cody, nine year-old that he is, bets his cousin that he can print out the entire internet. If Cody wins, he gets $50 dollars. So Cody goes off to print out the entire internet (every time I type that it just makes me laugh. I think this will be my new hyperbole: "This is even awesomer than printing out the entire internet" how rad does that sound?).
Okay, so under the terms of the bet, Cody has six months to print out the entire internet and if Mikey can find a site on the Internet which has not been printed he wins the bet, if he can’t he loses. (you know, the more I think about it, I think this bet is actually the raddest bet ever in the history of the internet).
Anyway, alerted by the incessant humming and whirring of the printer, Cody's parents come to hear about the bet. They call Mikey, he agrees to call it off and apologize to young Cody for being a jerk. fine. this is where the story would end except for one important thing. Cody Darnell is actually the smartest kid in the entire world. An absolute genius. I'm telling you, the world has never seen a mind like young Cody Darnell's. You see, young Cody somehow managed to convince his parents that he could actually print out the entire internet.
(They added the condition that websites which contain adult or obscene content be excluded from the bet. Dwight (young Cody's father) explained, "I know there’s some nasty filth on the Internet that a good Christian family like the Darnells don’t want to see so we got us some clever software that stops it getting into our humble home.")
Now this is where things start getting completely out of control (like they weren't already). A local radio station find out about the bet and does a story on it. Then others in town start pitching in. The local computer store, Big Frank’s World of Computers (I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried), has donated a laser printer and the Springwood Traders' Association is seeking donations from local businesses to cover the costs of paper and printer toner. Others are helping by taking it in turns to do the printing, creating lists of websites to be printed and providing storage space for the printouts.
The whole thing then takes a turn to the surreal. He's the end of the article:
"This heart warming story of determination and community spirit has been featured on national and international news services and the Darnells have become local celebrities. Dorothy, a waitress at a local diner and Dwight, an unemployed truck driver, have been surprised by the amount of interest in Cody’s story. As Dorothy explained, "We've been getting hundreds of calls from all sorts of people. Most of them want interviews and we've even had Hollywood people wanting to make a feature film. Imagine that, a film about our Cody and little ol’ Springwood."

"little ol’ Springwood."? Oh please.

And here we go with the kicker:

"The bet will be decided on May 24th, 2006 and will be celebrated a special holiday proclaimed by the mayor of Springwood, Ed Newsome, as Internet Day. Cody summed up the sentiment of the town by saying, "This is like, totally, the coolest thing ever. I'm gonna show Mikey that he’s wrong." before returning to his computer and printer."

So, Cody Darnell, stupidest smartest boy on the internet. Too bad he didn't want to run for president or something, because I'm sure he talk his way into that one too...
Of course the whole point of this post, besides to explain my new love for the espression "print out the entire internet" is to illustrate that old just-because-it's-on-tv-don't-mean-it's-true thing. In fact, dear readers, if anyone can offer any kind of corroboration for this story, I'll go and print out the entire internet. How about that? Of course, maybe a better idea would be to just send me to bed before I can even find these things...

Russian Military Ushanka Hats are the epitome of internet cool

My dear cyber-friends, I just want to let you all know that this is precisely why I love the interweb. Indeed, if it wasn't so damned impractical, I think I would probably buy one of these RARE Golden Russian Ushankas and wear it all the time. Yes, even in the shower.
Sadly, the coolness that this hat would exude would be too much for a mere mortal as myself to handle and I would probably explode, showering passersby with bits of extra-cool spleen and pancreas and whatnot. And even if I could hold it together, if I happened to pass too close to another wearer of a Ushanka, say a Black & White Real Rabbit Ushanka, it would probably be like in ghostbusters when they crossed the streams and time and space would collapse in on itself and create a blackhole of coolness from which nothing could escape. Not even him.
Of course, beyond on the hyperbolic hat wearing, existance negating scenarios the ushanka site still scores top marks for internet awesomeness because of the link right at the bottom of the page. I'm not even going to spoil it for you, it's just that rad. I'm telling you.

Ali Farka Toure died yesterday

Renowned Malian guitarist Ali Farka Toure died yesterday at the age of 66 (or perhaps 67). Toure was from a small town close to the near-mythical city of Timbuktu and once said this about his home: "For some people, Timbuktu is a place at the end of nowhere. But that's not true, I'm from Timbuktu, and I can tell you that it's right in the centre of the world."
I had the great pleasure of meeting him once (even more so because we were in Timbuktu at the time). It was a few days before new years eve 1999 and I was there shooting a story for the New York Times on "new years eve fests around the world" and he was there to play a concert for tourists who had come to ring in the year 2000 at the end of nowhere . Of course, other than a concert by renowned malian guitarist Ali Fark Toure, there really wasn't anything going on in Timbuktu on a cool evening in the middle of ramadan. Happily, Toure, being the magnanimous soul that he was, was inviting the whole town to the party. Sadly, the guys at the door weren't honouring those invites and those of us without tickets were left wandering the streets of the city at the end of nowhere. And that's how I ended up in a seedy little bar with a writer named Nori and 85 peace corp volunteers. After almost burning the place to the ground with our ring-in-the-new-year sparklers we stood around marvelling that our digital watches had survived the y2k meltdown and mourning our exclusion from the biggest show in town. I'm still bummed that I missed Toure's show that night, especially now that I'll never get another chance.

Big Gulp

Ok, seriously now, what are these people thinking? They're selling bottled water for $1.80 and donating an entire nickel per bottle to water projects in 'underveloped regions'. No offence to them, but I think that's pretty much one of the stupidest thing ever. in the world. At least writer Rob Walker gets it when he says:
"You might at least wonder whether it wouldn't make more sense to donate $1.80 to one of the aid organizations Ethos backs and ask your barrista for tap water. Isn't this all a bit like an S.U.V. whose profits finance third-world alternative-energy projects?" Thank you Mr Walker for illustrating so clearly how moronic this is.
He then goes on to say: "Sure, Starbucks had profits of half a billion dollars last year and could donate $10 million tomorrow, but writing a check, he [Peter Thum, the other Ethos founder] says, is less effective in the long run than "trying to build a movement to address this problem." To that end, he and Greenblatt are speaking to business-school groups about their mission and have planned Ethos promotions in connection with World Water Day on March 22 to raise awareness of a massive global problem and how buying Ethos can help. Ethos, as Greenblatt puts it, "makes activism accessible.""
Wow. "Makes activism accessible" by selling them bottled water that they could get out of the tap for free.
I have a better idea. Start giving them the tap water that's available in Bangladesh. Then wait and see how "accessible" you need to make the opportunity to fix the problem before people feel moved to do something about it.
But I do happen to think that Rob Walker might be on to something. Set up a display at the grocery store. Sell people empty bottles for $2. Then make them go home and fill it up from the tap. over and over and over.